Lent 2013 – day 24

8 Mar

Psalm 139:7-10
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

It’s amazing how differently you read the Bible pending upon how you feel!

Yesterday, on the last morning of my retreat, one if my fellow retreaters said she had a picture from God for me. She told me what it was and then explained it to me and something inside me broke, and I cried. And I cried. And I cried!
To put this into context, apart from crying at the funerals of my grandparents and after seeing my granddad at what we then thought was his deathbed (this was about 4 years before he actually died) I have not cried over anything for about 10 years. And in those 10 years (and particularly the last 5) I have gone through a huge number of things that I would have expected at least a couple, if not more, to have brought me to tears. I needed to cry but didn’t.
But in that moment of truth speaking deep to my core something broke and I wept, and it felt good!

And so now I am reading these verses for the 4th time during Lent and I read a completely different mood in them. Before, I was reading them almost as though David was getting fed up with God for always being there. In my mind, the voice I heard was dulled and almost pleading for God to not be there. When I read it this morning I could only hear the joy that David undoubtedly had at the fact that God was inescapable. Indeed, I can almost hear laughter in his voice as though he is playing a game of hide and seek with God, like we might play with a very young child by simply placing our hands over our eyes. It is joyous, it is playful and it puts a big smile on my face.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,and lead me in the way everlasting.

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One Response to “Lent 2013 – day 24”

  1. Helen March 8, 2013 at 09:13 #

    Thankyou for sharing that. That’s the 3rd time today Psalm 139 has come up! You’re so right, scripture looks so different depending on our mood. Thank God that He doesn’t change His according to how we behave.

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